February 9, 2022
The Psychological Immune System
Last October my foot started to hurt. I have an old injury on that foot and ankle, so assumed it was that. As the pain continued to increase through time, I tried new shoes, more strength training, and all sorts of tape and support. It continued to get more painful. Then Tim, my husband, suggested I have it x-rayed. Guess what? There was a fairly sizable stress fracture! It never would have healed the way I was treating it. I was interfering with the physical immune system built into my body and never even knew it.
Today I am going to introduce you to your psychological immune system. Please remember a time when you cut a finger, or injured your hand in some way. It may have hurt like the dickens at the time, as well as while it was healing, but for the most part, I suspect all you had to do was clean it, protect it and trust your physical immune system to go to work and heal it. There was nothing you could do to speed the healing, but plenty you could do to interfere with the healing, like get it dirty or pick at the scab.
Now, please remember something that caused you stress within the last 48 hours. Notice how your body feels, and how many things you can think of to say about this incident or circumstance. OK that’s enough!
Now, remember something that moved you to tears, or had you grateful, or was joyful. How many thoughts do you have about that circumstance? Notice how your body feels now. Do you notice a difference between those two things?
If you can catch a glimpse of what is happening, and stay with it long enough to have an insight occur, here’s what you might notice. We have LOTS of thoughts about things that stress us. And the more we think those thoughts the worse we feel. When we remember something joyous or wonderous, we often have very few thoughts about what is happening. We are just left to enjoy the feeling we are having.
You have just experienced the psychological immune system at work. Just shifting our focus from stressful thoughts to wonderful ones allows the system to rebalance. And just like the physical version, when you continually ‘pick at the scab’ of the stressful thought, it resists healing, or coming back to balance and peace of mind. Thinking about something stressful all the time is like picking at the scab on your knuckle. If we leave our upsetting thoughts alone and allow our minds to quiet, healing take place of its own accord, and new thinking can arise about the circumstance you see as stressful. Both immune systems are innate. They are built into the system of being human. All human beings, and all life, has these immune systems built in. There is nothing to do but get out of the way of them.
I often use a snow globe to mimic how we interfere with our psychological immune system. When we shake the snow globe, that snow is a metaphor for our incessant thinking about what is bothering us. This is innocent, by the way. If we knew that amount and kind of thinking would make things worse, we would not do it!
Built into our system as a part of the immune system is our very own Buddha Wisdom, always there pointing to new, wise and creative thinking. However, the swirl of our stressful thinking causes so much static or snow in the system that we can’t hear this wisdom speaking to us. The error that continues to happen is we think we can think our way out of what is happening! If we could, by the way, it would already have happened. How many of you have a situation that always drives you nuts? Habitual thinking about that situation is what is preventing you from having a new insight into what to do or think about that situation. And all we are doing is picking at the scab.
Now to the simple part. If your body feels tight, your breath is shallow, and/or your jaw is clenched, you are fighting the innate immune system’s design. If you breathe deeply a few times, that tiny pause may allow you to remember that you are wired to feel good in your body, to feel relaxed and up for anything. Remembering that often brings that feeling back suddenly and easily, like a beach ball popping to the surface. If you find it is hard to let the habits of thought go, distract yourself. Go out in nature, sit with a pet, watch a funny cat video or write a note to a friend telling them how much you appreciate them. And suddenly the stress is gone, and you can start again.
Awareness is the most important part of eliminating stress. If you are feeling peaceful, lean into that. If you are feeling stressed, pause, distract and go into nature in some way. Begin to practice your ability to tolerate temporary psychological pain or discomfort, and watch how it is transient if you let it just be there. Once the old thinking has moved through you, you can approach the circumstance again with a fresh perspective.
To recap, stress cannot be managed. That’s like trying to manage a cut to heal, incessantly doing something to make the healing go faster and in the right direction. Stress gets eliminated when you remember the psychological immune system is operating on your behalf at all times. The more you let it do its job, the better you will feel, and the wiser you will become.
Our Psychological Immune System is Innate
February 9, 2022
The Psychological Immune System
Last October my foot started to hurt. I have an old injury on that foot and ankle, so assumed it was that. As the pain continued to increase through time, I tried new shoes, more strength training, and all sorts of tape and support. It continued to get more painful. Then Tim, my husband, suggested I have it x-rayed. Guess what? There was a fairly sizable stress fracture! It never would have healed the way I was treating it. I was interfering with the physical immune system built into my body and never even knew it.
Today I am going to introduce you to your psychological immune system. Please remember a time when you cut a finger, or injured your hand in some way. It may have hurt like the dickens at the time, as well as while it was healing, but for the most part, I suspect all you had to do was clean it, protect it and trust your physical immune system to go to work and heal it. There was nothing you could do to speed the healing, but plenty you could do to interfere with the healing, like get it dirty or pick at the scab.
Now, please remember something that caused you stress within the last 48 hours. Notice how your body feels, and how many things you can think of to say about this incident or circumstance. OK that’s enough!
Now, remember something that moved you to tears, or had you grateful, or was joyful. How many thoughts do you have about that circumstance? Notice how your body feels now. Do you notice a difference between those two things?
If you can catch a glimpse of what is happening, and stay with it long enough to have an insight occur, here’s what you might notice. We have LOTS of thoughts about things that stress us. And the more we think those thoughts the worse we feel. When we remember something joyous or wonderous, we often have very few thoughts about what is happening. We are just left to enjoy the feeling we are having.
You have just experienced the psychological immune system at work. Just shifting our focus from stressful thoughts to wonderful ones allows the system to rebalance. And just like the physical version, when you continually ‘pick at the scab’ of the stressful thought, it resists healing, or coming back to balance and peace of mind. Thinking about something stressful all the time is like picking at the scab on your knuckle. If we leave our upsetting thoughts alone and allow our minds to quiet, healing take place of its own accord, and new thinking can arise about the circumstance you see as stressful. Both immune systems are innate. They are built into the system of being human. All human beings, and all life, has these immune systems built in. There is nothing to do but get out of the way of them.
I often use a snow globe to mimic how we interfere with our psychological immune system. When we shake the snow globe, that snow is a metaphor for our incessant thinking about what is bothering us. This is innocent, by the way. If we knew that amount and kind of thinking would make things worse, we would not do it!
Built into our system as a part of the immune system is our very own Buddha Wisdom, always there pointing to new, wise and creative thinking. However, the swirl of our stressful thinking causes so much static or snow in the system that we can’t hear this wisdom speaking to us. The error that continues to happen is we think we can think our way out of what is happening! If we could, by the way, it would already have happened. How many of you have a situation that always drives you nuts? Habitual thinking about that situation is what is preventing you from having a new insight into what to do or think about that situation. And all we are doing is picking at the scab.
Now to the simple part. If your body feels tight, your breath is shallow, and/or your jaw is clenched, you are fighting the innate immune system’s design. If you breathe deeply a few times, that tiny pause may allow you to remember that you are wired to feel good in your body, to feel relaxed and up for anything. Remembering that often brings that feeling back suddenly and easily, like a beach ball popping to the surface. If you find it is hard to let the habits of thought go, distract yourself. Go out in nature, sit with a pet, watch a funny cat video or write a note to a friend telling them how much you appreciate them. And suddenly the stress is gone, and you can start again.
Awareness is the most important part of eliminating stress. If you are feeling peaceful, lean into that. If you are feeling stressed, pause, distract and go into nature in some way. Begin to practice your ability to tolerate temporary psychological pain or discomfort, and watch how it is transient if you let it just be there. Once the old thinking has moved through you, you can approach the circumstance again with a fresh perspective.
To recap, stress cannot be managed. That’s like trying to manage a cut to heal, incessantly doing something to make the healing go faster and in the right direction. Stress gets eliminated when you remember the psychological immune system is operating on your behalf at all times. The more you let it do its job, the better you will feel, and the wiser you will become.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Years ago, I was newly married (well, five years of newly married) and we were not doing well. I had taken to calling them the first fateful five years. We were certain the other person was the problem, and kindness was hard to come by.
I was studying Lent at the time of this story, specifically because I never could figure out why Lent was considered such a powerful Christian tool. I distinctly remember where I was standing in my home office, pacing about while trying to come up with something to ‘give up’ for Lent that would actually mean something to me.
I had a sudden realization which I would now call an Insight….I thought my husband was psychotic. That realization rocked me to my core. How could I, a successful coach, be in a relationship with someone who was psychotic? And so, I chose in that moment to give up thinking my husband was psychotic, for Lent.
I know, weird, right? I just had a hunch it might be worth doing.
I did not tell my husband of my project over the next 40 days. The first day was awful as I could not interact with the poor man in any capacity without the thought, well, you know, he is psychotic. I would patiently, and sometime irritably start over with a clean slate, asking myself, if he were not psychotic, how would this go? The first week was miserable, but the second week began to be more tolerable, and by the third week I was actually enjoying my husband in a way I had not done for years. The appreciation was back, I was grateful we were together, and I felt a deep love for him again. I could NOT understand what had happened.
I spent the next 40 days after Lent thinking our issues were all my fault, which again plunged me into a dark and horrible place, another story that was not helping me have peace of mind in my marriage. By the way, he was amazed, and said he thought the last several months had been the best in our entire marriage. So, I had to confess to the experiment I was running, and how sorry I was for thinking about him that way.
Fast forward another 30 plus years, and we are not only still married but, despite our differences, say to each other at least 3-4 times a week, “Another day in Paradise with you!” Ours is one of the best marriages I know of. What I learned way back then is that we will believe any story we tell ourselves. It’s just that many of them are not good for us. Since there are many, many ways to think about everything, I recommend you take the stories you tell very lightly, and assume they are not true, especially if they are causing you to struggle. If you catch yourself struggling, go for a walk, take 10 deep breaths, clear your mind and see if there is a way to hold the circumstances in a way that gives you a sense of peace, curiosity or interest.
So what happened? By accident, I began to tell a different story about who my husband is/was. And that made all the difference. It launched my career, teaching clients and organizations how thought works, and how the operating system for being human works. I say that one insight saved my marriage, my career and my life, all at once.
Pandemics
January 17, 2022
I have been taken over by an idea, one that I find eternally fascinating and clarifying. That idea is that we are in the midst of a great global “coming apart”. The pandemic has shaken us all up, whether we know (and like) it or not. The entire world is attempting to learn how to live well in the midst of a great coming apart. And without realizing that coming apart is affecting everything, we might miss the opportunity to help the cultural shift come together for the good.
As this idea took hold of me, I began to read what I could find about other pandemics humanity has gone through. I stumbled across an article citing Gianna Pomata, a retired professor at the Institute of the History of Medicine, at Johns Hopkins University. She has actually studied pandemics, and points to common attributes of all pandemics which seem to be the shaking up of the way people think, and that there is a new age, or Renaissance, that follows almost all of them. Pomata says that what happens after a pandemic is like a wind, “it’s like fresh air coming in, the fresh air of common sense.”
As I look around and listen these days, I hear people wondering when we will ever get back to ‘normal’. People, myself included, are tired of the Pandemic, tired of all the changes, and frustrated that there appears to be little we can all do about that. And suddenly I am captivated by the question, “What if we could do something about it?”
Thus, my being taken over by an idea began. I could suddenly see that the world was moving much too slowly to accomplish what needs to be done to rebalance humanity and the world. The nature of change that was required for humanity and the world to survive and live well needed to be disrupted quickly so common sense could help us put things back together in a much quicker timeframe.
What else could have caused many large American Auto manufacturers to suddenly announce they would be going to all-electric cars and trucks? What would have had small towns and large cities accommodate the request of restaurants and cafes to set up out-door dining at record pace? Have you noticed how many food sellers are now offering plant-based choices? Even Kentucky Fried Chicken and Chipotle have gotten on board. And the fact that Zoom came into existence the year before the Pandemic is a miracle!
When we look for what is coming together in a way that supports life more fully, we often begin to see the hidden and hopeful new direction. Which helps us relax a bit and come more back into balance, which is what all of life is attempting to do. If you notice other things that have changed so rapidly your head is spinning, let me know. I’ll add it to my collection! And don’t lose hope. Inside of community, humanity can do almost anything.
Love at Work
January 11, 2022
Many people ask me if it is possible to find our ‘Design’ or ‘special purpose’ in our work. Their experience of work is no longer satisfying, yet they long to feel well used in life. Recently I was sent an almost perfect answer to this question. Panache Desai, in response to a similar question, said, after a reflective pause, “Our jobs are the excuse we have to love people.”
That brings up questions, doesn’t it?
Should I stay in my ‘soul-crushing’ job?
How can I ever love the people around me at work?
What if I have no people around me at work?
Where can I find work that allows me to love the people around me?
There is no correct answer to any of those questions. However, even considering it might be possible to go to work intending to love people changes everything.
Love is a spiritual power. It is not intellectual, nor made up in our thinking. It is a feeling of warmth, connection and wonder, all rolled into one. And it is available ALL THE TIME!
When we love someone who is struggling, there is no need to accept their actions. When we can see them as human beings, caught up in the noise of their circumstances, we can remember when we, too, have been in a similar noisy place. And we remember not to identify with our worst-feeling moments. And we can be with people seeing them as something other than their worst moments.
Work will transform, the more we do this. Life will transform as we do this. The gentle power of not taking things personally, and reminding people they are loved for who they are born to be is transformative. And healing. Then, where you work becomes more and more obvious. And where to GO to work does as well.
Try this for a week and let me know how it goes.
New Year’s Reflections
New Year’s Reflections
This is the time of year I often wish I could do something differently in my life. Maybe it is to eat less sugar, or spend more time with my dogs, or finally be able to see a Basketball Game at the new Chase Center in SF with my husband. Behind those things is an assumption that doing those things will relieve some pressure or cause some feeling. I just happen to know that what I want to do is actually not remotely related to what I long to feel.
So, this year I decided to notice my longings during the holiday break. I did not dismiss them or be bothered by them, I just reflected on them as they came up. And something truly remarkable began to happen. Instead of the holidays being hectic, I had distinct moments of joy and gratitude pop up! And I could tell I was noticing things differently, through the lens of my longings. I didn’t really even name the longings, but rather noticed when I was feeling a way I liked, or was touched by, or inspired by. Having my attention on what I was feeling allowed me to remember that a deep feeling of well-being is innate to us as human beings. But for our thinking we would feel wonderful all the time.
When my nephew and sisters invited me to go to IKEA with them, my first reaction was, yikes, that place is huge, I am recovering from a broken foot, I won’t enjoy it. And then I remembered the longings and said yes. It was amazing watching my nephew explore how to best enhance his new home, and how my twin was so excited about how to downsize from a 1,111 sq ft home to a 610 sq ft home as she moves back to California into a lovely home in Pacific Grove.
I sat when I needed to, allowing me to observe the multi-national people shopping at IKEA, many of whom are quite clearly new to the area, and delighted. I was instantly grateful for the international flavor of our area, and how relaxed people were about the differences.
We decided to eat at the IKEA cafeteria, something I had not done before. Instead of worrying about if they would have food for my plant-based diet, I just enjoyed being with my family, allowing life to some to me rather than have to control any of it. And what I discovered was yes, they had plant-based food (mediocre but fun), and that the biggest adventure was standing in line to order our lunch, noticing there was only one piece of chocolate cake left which my nephew desperately wanted, and having it be there when we ordered his lunch. Pure Joy! And I didn’t even eat it!
Towards the end of that trip, my twin and I gave out, laughing that we were now the Old Folks of the family. We found a place to sit as my younger sister checked out, and again I experienced a closeness with my sisters that I could not have orchestrated, yet that I longed for.
Finally, throughout the season, I was moved to tears by the music and light and generosity of the season. Yes, all the things that are coming apart in our country were still coming apart. And yet, I could refocus and allow the longings to lead, giving me one of the sweetest holiday seasons I can remember.
As Sydney Banks said,
“We are searching for our home grounds. We’re searching to find the way home. And to find the way home, what we have to do is look at everything in reverse, because naturally if you’re away from home, if you keep walking you walk further away. To find home you’ve got to turn around. You have got to go the opposite direction and instead of searching outside for the answer you seek; all you do is turn around and look inside. And there lie the secrets that you want.”
conversations on Race, Inequality and Poverty #4
This is call #4 in a series of deepening conversations designed to discover a new place to work in regards to racial justice, inequality and generational poverty. These conversation are based on the Three Principles as taught and discovered by Sydney Banks. This call was particularly interesting as we got to oneness as a new place to consider working from. Enjoy and remember these are unedited so it takes a bit to get into the conversation!
Conversations on Race, Inequality and Poverty, #3
Welcome to call number 3! As with the previous two calls, this is a continuing series of calls between Tim Williams, Debora McDermed and Julie Gleeson, exploring how the insights of the Three Principles as discovered and taught by Sydney Banks, might illuminate new thinking in the areas of racial justice, poverty and inequality. Please let us know what you think about the calls and as with the other two, be patient with them! What we are after, and what I recommend you listen for, is a good feeling, not an intellectual understanding.
Conversations on Race, Inequality and Poverty, #2
Welcome to the second call with Tim Williams, Julie Gleeson and Debora McDermed. Remember, these calls are an exploration, sifting through the known and unknown to be able to hear something new. The thing to track is the level of depth of feeling as the conversation unwinds. The warmer the feeling, the more Life Force Energy is flowing through all of us. That is always a good indicator that something new could happen!
We would love to know how these conversations impact you. Please let us know!
Julie, Tim and Debora
Conversations on Race, Inequality and Poverty
There is Wisdom greater than identity. I wonder what it might say about our world right now? With that in mind, my longtime and dear friend, Debora McDermed, PhD and a new friend, Tim Williams, embarked on a series of Zoom sessions to explore and uncover something new together. These conversations came about in response to a longing to hear something new, something creative, something we can offer up or understand that would provide deep insight, compassion and change. These conversations are based in the Three Principles as discovered and taught by the late Sydney Banks. With his insight about the power of understanding thought, we embarked on an exploration of the topic, then decided the calls were good enough that we should share them! These are not edited, so please be patient as they unfold.
Debora lives in a very remote part of California, so is not able to join us with video..
(For those who wanted a face to the name!)
Please enjoy the following inaugural conversation. More are to follow. And please contact us if you would like to join the conversation or have comments.
Mercy and Compassion: For Ourselves First
I received a thought-provoking article recently on Mercy. I’ve not thought about mercy in a long while. It is an archaic word in our culture, yet so many of my acquaintances and clients struggle so mightily to do ‘what’s right’ in the world. Here’s the line that pulled me up short and got my attention:
“What we really need is to become mercy ourselves.” What does that even mean????
Mercy Article
Please click on the article to read more. It was brought to my attention by my dear friend and colleague, Debora McDermed-Peila, and Interfaith Minister, Spiritual Coach and former Business Coach to Fortune 100 companies. The article itself is part of a course on Spirituality being offered by Sister Joan Chittister, a radical, compassionate and edgy Benedictine Nun. Then let’s talk! This understanding may very well be how to finally have our focus be correctly placed so that we can relax and fulfill what is ours to fulfill.