The power of pausing can be life-changing—especially when we find ourselves stuck in habits we wish we could shift. How many of us have a somewhat (or very) compulsive thing that we do that we know should be moderated or stopped? Maybe it is eating too much chocolate (been there, done that!) Maybe it is spending too much time on social media. Delaying that walk we want to do each day until we don’t have the time to do it. Or buying just one more book to read.
Maybe you’ve tried different things to stop the compulsion. Will power usually fizzles out at about 7 PM (that is true, scientifically). Being strict with ourselves also ruins self-esteem. So, what does a person do to break the cycle?
The Power of Pausing in Everyday Habits
It turns out the brain researchers who discovered the plasticity of the brain, (the ability of the brain to repair and change itself) provide us with a clue. They designed an experiment with people diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. All the participants reported that they felt the need to lock their door 4-5 times before they felt it was safe to leave. The participants were told there was no pressure to stop locking the doors as many times as they needed to. What they asked, though, was that when they noticed themselves locking the door, they were to pause for 60 seconds to two minutes, either deep breathing or just waiting, and then they could continue with locking the door. This was practiced, then the participants were on their own. At the end of 6 weeks, all the participants reported a lessening of the compulsion, and many, if not most, stopped needing to lock the door more than once. So, what happened?
That pause signals to the brain that there is a change in habit. The old habit, lock the door 5 times before you leave, did not include the pause. That simple pause allowed the brain to invent a new habit around that circumstance, with no shame or pressure.
So, think about that habit you wish you could break. One of my mentors decided to make the pause enjoyable. When he noticed himself working under pressure (he was self-employed!), he would get up from his desk and walk down to the creek to fly-fish for 15 minutes, then he would come back and finish his work. Even when he had an impossible deadline, he did this. He kept his fly-fishing rod right at the back door so he could just grab it when he felt pressured. This was his pause. He reported something amazing after the first day he went fly fishing. The second time he felt pressured, he got up, grabbed his rod, and half-way down to the creek the sense of pressure had already lifted, so he turned around and went back to work. From that point on, the most he needed to do was touch the rod, and often he only needed to look at it. The brain had rewired itself to work from a calm place.
Many of my clients report success with the power of pausing. One wanted to be able to get out of bed and workout. So, he made a deal that when he woke up, he would put on his exercise clothes, then do whatever he wanted. That pause of dressing for the activity allowed his brain to rewire in very short order so that he began exercising and enjoying it.
The trick is though, that you must actually do the pause activity a few times. Otherwise, the strong neuropathway or habit you are trying to alter won’t budge. Give it a try and let me know how it goes. The power of pausing might just surprise you. It is WAY more effective than trying to use force of will to shift.
And if you’re curious about how a single question can shift your whole perspective — not just your habits, but how you move through life — I share more about that here.
https://theartoflivinginc.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/The-Power-of-Pausing.jpg7661368Jasmyne DesBienshttps://theartoflivinginc.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Updated-Logo-1.pngJasmyne DesBiens2025-06-19 12:17:582025-06-19 12:18:37The Power of Pausing
I find myself exhausted by the changing and chaotic nature of our political life right now. Trying to keep up with it all is a fool’s errand. Ignoring it seems impossible — and unwise. So, what to do?
In a conversation I had this week, I heard myself say, “I am always and only interested in what brings balance and stability to all of life — including to me.” So, with things in constant flux, how do we do that?
I am reminded of a quote from A Course in Miracles, as referenced in Marianne Williamson’s new book The Mystic Jesus:
Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.
And I have a clue now where to start. For one thing, I find I get stirred up by imagining how bad the future is going to be. The future is one of those unreal things. When I catch myself engaging with the future like it really exists, I often soften, chuckle, take a deep breath, and turn toward where I am now.
This is why animals (in my case, dogs) are so healthy to have around. They don’t have an intellect that can worry as ours does. They’re much more in the now — which is why they forgive so easily.
Once I’m back in the present, I can begin to see what direction to go. I have access to much more creative thinking. That imagination starts with, “What if we tried…?” Now I can begin to speak with family and colleagues about what I just heard that was new. And that is how the best creativity gets unleashed — a team of people all looking for a way to understand things from a completely new perspective.
For instance, there’s a great story about the woman who began research into mRNA (messenger RNA, a molecule that helps the body create proteins) and couldn’t get funding for years. After 15–20 years, a chance meeting with another scientist — at a copy machine in another building! — sparked a collaboration. That chance meeting led to a partnership, which eventually formed a company called Moderna. The partners went on to win the Nobel Prize for Physiology or Medicine in 2023, after their research allowed the rapid invention of a COVID-19 vaccine that saved millions of lives. The thing Dr. Karikó had been researching with no agreement was the very thing that became the miracle during the pandemic.
The other leg of A Course in Miracles quote is: “Nothing unreal exists.” That one is trickier to reflect on, as it’s a spiritual reflection — not an intellectual one.
How does it feel to consider that your true nature — what and who you are in essence — can never be damaged or even enhanced? That it is already whole, complete, and eternally good?
In other words, what if what we think we need to be balanced, whole, and well has nothing to do with things? What if it has to do with trusting that we were born whole, complete, and eternally good — and that we each see life from a perspective that is unique to us?
Unique. Never occurring before or since.
It’s a tall order to consider that some things might be unreal — and that we’re already whole and complete. Most of us were raised to believe we have to earn our way into belonging. Into wholeness. Darn it.
But the peace that descends when you experience — even briefly — how good you already are… that there is nothing to enhance or fix… that will sustain you. It will have you reaching for that feeling more and more and more.
Yes, there are others who take wild swings — culturally, politically — who think so differently than we do, and who may have no spiritual insight into life at all. That, however, has nothing to do with the solid goodness we were born with — and cannot lose.
When we work from that goodness — as something built-in, with nothing to prove or protect — we become so much more creative, compassionate, and kind. And we can see where to begin, over and over, to bring wholeness, balance, and goodness into all the nooks and crannies of life.
Then we just get to choose where to begin.
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One that is worth considering when you are NOT overwhelmed!
For most of my life, the only thing that cuts through that sense of overwhelm is to remember what my life’s mission or design is. That knowing seems to refocus me almost immediately. All of us have a unique lens through which we observe life. This is often a source of frustration (It is so clear to me what “they” should do. They must be dense to not see it!) That is a perfect time to remember that all of us see the world differently, thus we all have a different stabilizing focus. Really!
The trick is to figure out what you see, what perspective you have, that others just don’t see. My husband, for instance, loves details and research. I appreciate details, but not at the depth he does. We have learned to navigate this difference later in our marriage. Early on it was a huge source of irritation. Now I can say, OK, enough detail. You are explaining all of this so I understand what? And then he laughs, and says, Oh yeah, too much detail. And I have learned to really lean on him when detail is called for, like which appliance is the best for our situation, or what’s the best route to take on a long drive we are about to take.
As you begin to see your perspective or mission in life, you may have the thought that this is not lofty enough. Or, you may think, well everybody knows that. But of course, they don’t. I have a client who always sees the scientific and spiritual properties and powers of chaotic situations. She used to be surprised that others did not and sometimes were not even interested. She took on learning how to gently illuminate the direction she was pointing to by asking thoughtful questions and being curious about what the other person was looking for. Turns out, as quoted by several people, you can’t be judgmental and curious at the same time. So, true interest/curiosity will often allow people to experience being seen, and when they are seen, they are more curious about what YOU see!
When we get overwhelmed, we often forget to take a moment to breathe and remember what is essential to us in this moment. Once you do this, that focal point will feel like it is coming from your gut, not your head. This focus came with you when you were born, by the way. It’s always been your way.
So, try listening for what is the unique focus that always calms and inspires you to reset and start again. It is always positive, always moving all of life in a new and better direction. And rely on this thing when you are overwhelmed. Return to it and stabilize, then start again from that place of stability.
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Many of my friends, clients and colleagues have a difficult time being part of a relationship, team, or family. Never mind a country. We find ourselves resentful or keeping score, or we feel we just don’t belong. I heard an interview with John Powell in January, and one of his quotes I cannot get out of my mind. He said, “There is no belonging without co-creation.” I was familiar with this term in business, but he was pointing to it in relationship and teams. Hmmmm, I thought.
My husband and I just celebrated our 40th anniversary this month. And I could tell that much of what has shifted through all those years is we have gracefully (most of the time) slid towards what I can now see is co-creation. I used to think that if Tim would just see things as I did, his life would be easier, and we would have a more peaceful marriage. How come it did not seem to ever go that way? I knew we both wanted to belong more deeply, and yet we seemed to irritate each other all the time!
My idea of co-creation was, I bring my good idea and make sure the others see it clearly. Then I listen as deeply as possible to their good ideas and one of us will see the light and shift. Nope, that is NOT co-creation, which is why not only does it not seem to work, it is annoying.
The story of our anniversary trip illustrates my point. In August of 2023, I mentioned to Tim that I would love to go back to Yosemite and the Ahwahnee Hotel for our 40th. We were married there and just loved our visit there. We agreed, and I made reservations for the Presidential Suite for August 2024. (That took almost 3 weeks to accomplish, getting the right dates and times.) Fast forward to June of 2024, and I fractured vertebrae and ribs. It soon became clear we were not going to be able to go, due to my glacially slow recovery. I took another week to reschedule for March of 2025, and we were finally set.
Then, in mid-February, Tim sat me down and told me he was dreading going on the trip. I immediately noticed I had several different reactions. One was, are you kidding me? After all that work to plan it? The other was, huh, I wonder what he sees that I do not? And then I realized that I was apprehensive myself. What if it snowed? Would we want to drive 4.5 hours in the snow? I am 98% recovered, but what about taking walks in the morning? Would we be able to feel safe?
So, I listened, and as Tim spoke about his concerns, I felt myself relaxing. I finally said to him, let’s find another place to go that excites both of us! He began the research and found a place in Mendocino that sounded perfect. It was not a re-creation of our wedding trip. It was a new adventure! And both of us only cared that we felt celebrated for our journey together. Everything else we could work out together.
You know what? It was a model of co-creation. Once I gave up how it should be, and once he gave up disappointing me, our hearts were free to design something that would allow us to relax, cherish each other, and feel special.
It is giving up how it should be that opens the possibility of something so much greater coming from what two or more can imagine. It was an unforgettable trip, and a perfect model of co- creation. We are still in wonder about it all these days later.
And here is the kicker. It DID snow in Yosemite on the dates we chose, and the park is in chaos due to the government firings at National Parks. It was better all the way around the way it ultimately turned out.
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Many of my friends, family and clients are gripped by the chaotic news reports lately. While I, too, am concerned, I find that the old mantra “think globally, act locally” encourages people to consider the world as a whole, while taking action in their own communities.
Why is this helpful? Because the world is not global, it is local. What does that mean? When we are focused entirely on our fear of the national or global future, we lose track of the present moment completely, and never experience that we belong anywhere. We are fearful, and we withdraw. In the present is where belonging, joy, and miracles can be found. It is also where we have the most impact on how our lives go.
How many of us have noticed that when we make eye contact and smile at a stranger, they often (not always) smile back? A smile signals to the heart that all is well, and our heart and body begin to relax. When we call someone, it is scientifically proven that if we remember to smile while on the phone, the conversation is more congenial, even though the smile cannot be seen.
I had a conversation with a colleague recently who is overwhelmed by what she perceives as wrongdoing in our politicians. I listened to her for a while, then asked her what was wonderful in her life right now. There was a fairly long pause (I could hear the train of her thinking derailing!), and then she began to list a few things that gave her great joy right now.
I reminded her to notice the difference between how tight her body was before the question, and then afterwards. I also told her about research being done currently into the power of speaking to people as though we are connected and belong to each other, even if we disagree. At the end of the call, she said, I don’t think I agree with you, but I do feel much better! Job done, belonging still in place even though she does not agree with me.
We are in the midst of things coming apart and things trying to come back together.
One point of view will never be creative enough for that coming together to be powerful and connecting and new. All of our voices need a place to be heard. I recommend we all practice listening as though someone had a point of view that, while frightening, might have something interesting to consider. Let your heart open, or at least catch how closed it might start off being in the conversation.
See if you can let the mood of the conversation slide over your back, while still listening for a point of possible validity in their point of view. And don’t be surprised if you hear something that seems like a good idea. Don’t deny it. Let that new thing you heard rattle around until it settles into a new idea for you. Then, share that with others to hear what they might hear.
Remember, all of life is working with us on this change. The power of all of us co-creating is what we are after. There can be no real peace without being willing to co-create in our politics, our relationships, and our communities.
Being right is not co-creation. It is being stubborn, and thinking no one else has anything of value to offer. Bring co-creation and belonging to all of your connections, and please keep an eye out for how others respond. It is pure delight!
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Instead of setting goals in the new year, why not try setting a new perspective? The following invites you to do just that!
January is always an interesting time of the year. Some people set goals, others are still recovering from 2024, and many of us think of it as just another month, though we must remember that pesky 5 at the end of the year! As many of you know, one of my passions is transitions. Given the times we are in politically, as well as physically (some of us) and structurally, it is now time to realize why that is so important.
There is a metaphor I was struck by in Universal Human, by Gary Zukov. (an important book if you are interested in such things!)
“I discovered a once beautiful dilapidated house in a coastal town in Northern California. That town was my new home. Close yet remote from San Francisco, it gave me respite from my life in the City. I loved its isolation, its sense of community, and its intimate relationship with the ocean. I supposed these were the things that had brought people to it for decades, and had now brought me.
The house was condemned. Yellow tape cordoned off the weed-covered yard and a broad porch beyond it. It was a Victorian house, like many I had seen in San Francisco. Gingerbread trim connected lathed porch pillars, and a round turret with a conical top gave it an elegant distinction. I could imagine stained glass in the windows. From the sidewalk where I stood, the old house continued to exude the gaudy tastefulness of that era. It was clearly the summer house of some wealthy family. It had a family feel about it.
I liked the house immediately. I knew that the ocean view from the back would be magnificent. I could not imagine why someone had not renovated it long ago. In my fantasy, I imagined doing just that. I walked down the winding road to the beach to get another view of the house. I looked up, and I gasped.
The house, once separated from the edge of the cliff by a large yard, extended precariously over empty space! Cantilevered on a rotting understructure, half of it hovered over a void between exposed underflooring and the rocky beach below. It seemed to float high above me, as though about to journey seaward like a hot air balloon. It was, in fact, ready to plunge downward, and its doom was imminent.
Spectacularly poised at the moment of demise, the house stood on a precipice like a trapeze artist high above a hushed crowd. This surreal apparition of majestic ignorance and impending disaster hung suspended against a vacant sky. The cordoned beach silently awaited the massive intruder. As the cliff continued to erode imperceptibly, more under flooring imperceptibly became exposed. Faded signs and yellowed tape on the rocks testified to the longevity of this slow-motion drama.
None of this was visible from the top of the cliff. Tape and cones kept passersby on the sidewalk, overgrowth concealed the ocean behind the house, and nowhere was the problem of the missing cliff apparent. Only a sad and broken façade of a once happy structure remained on the otherwise pleasant street. The sea had taken the ground on which the house had stood. Soon, it would take the house. Once solid and strong, it would become unstable and weak, and its own weight would soon bring it down. Nothing could prevent it.”
This metaphor has transformed how I see almost everything. It would be easy to say this (whatever this is) should not be happening, and I/we need to double and triple our efforts to bring things back to how they used to be. However, I find, if I look closely, the new is also more and more apparent. Rather than look for reasons that things are falling apart (politics, media, housing, etc.) I find it much more hopeful to engage my creativity to see how we might come together to refocus on achievable goals in whatever happens to catch our eye, so that we shift our focus and effort away from the doomed and the impossible.
Our job now seems to be, how do we allow the old way to collapse as safely as possible, all the while planning for cleanup efforts and how to build what we can now see is possible in its place?
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Many years ago, I heard a quote that I have had swirling in my head ever since. It is from Albert Einstein;
“The most important question facing humanity is, “Is the Universe a friendly place?”
I suddenly realized that if I answered no, I would have one experience of life. If I answered yes, I would have another. And I could not stop thinking about that. What does that even mean, that the Universe could be friendly or not? I began to ponder this, and watch myself and others as we navigated our way through life. There were times when I was certain that I needed to protect myself, that I was a small cog in something so big I felt insignificant. At other times, I could tell there was something vastly larger than I was, that consisted of energy, and that was up to something benevolent. And I always relaxed when I saw that.
The thing is, we may not be able to comprehend what the Universe is working on that is FOR us right away. It may be that we will only see in hindsight what something was for. For instance, in my recovery from rib and vertebrae fractures, it is beginning to dawn on me that this downtime that I am so frustrated by is teaching me to adopt a more peaceful pace, one that allows me to listen more deeply and open my heart. As I work through the physical Therapy phase, I still catch myself trying to push my therapy so I have quicker results. Then I laugh because I am missing my life as I am hurrying to get somewhere.
When I am more at peace, I’ll be darned if I don’t accomplish more, and enjoy things more. And so I lean into the lesson and find I am more moved, I am more grateful, and I feel held by something that is designed to be a partner of sorts, a non-human partner at that. And when something rocks me, I find it so helpful to consider that one day I might see what this is happening FOR, and I could start looking for that right away. That diminishes the time I spend fretting about how things “shouldn’t be this way.”
Try it! I’m not saying we want all the circumstances that come our way. However, what if we adopted a sense that our non-human partner is trying to show us something??? I find I am much more resilient when I head this direction.
Life sometimes orchestrates a full stop in life. We saw this during the pandemic where literally the whole world paused to see how to navigate the Corona Virus. We sometimes have times in our own life that require a full stop to recover from. And sometimes, if we are lucky, we can tell it is time to stop and reflect during these times to see what life is trying to call attention to.
I’ve had an ocean of circumstances in the last five months! I had fractures in my vertebrae and spine (from coughing), my beloved dog Schuyler had foot surgery to remove a growth, our old car finally reached her useful end, I had a tooth extraction, and my dear friend is moving out of state!
What has allowed me to find peace of mind during all of this is the question I chose to reflect on. “I wonder what new direction is required now?” As I thought about that question, I knew immediately it was about finding a new way to work, one that allowed me to enjoy more time with my husband and dogs while allowing me to still work.
I’ve known this was ‘up’ for almost a year. But I did not find the time to address it. So, Life did!
During my recovery from all of this (which is almost complete. Just PT to finish it all off!), I noticed I could be upset, frightened, in scarcity, and frustrated, or I could try a new perspective since this was not going to be a short recovery. As I contemplated having compassion for myself (and my husband), I noticed there was less pain when I experienced that compassion. And I noticed the halt to recovery was nice! The meditative sense of not rushing, the time to invent and create, the closeness of friends and family…was what I was after! Too bad it took a physical circumstance to achieve that.
As I re-enter the activities of life, I see how compelled I am to ‘go back to the way things were’, which almost immediately has me in pain again. I often see this with clients who are out of work for longer than they wish, then when they do find work, they go back to how they used to work, and immediately know that old way is no longer viable. And what sets in is confusion. And a requirement to reflect.
So, I am learning to love the new slower pace, and the time to explore where the world wants me, not where I want to be. I am reminded that life is Love, and when we don’t experience Love, we are probably driving ourselves and/or judging others.
And finally, my Schuyler has been my best role model during my recovery. She had to be crated with a cone on her head for almost a month, and had to have a bag on her foot when she did go outside. Further along in her recovery, she also had to have her foot soaked for 10 minutes, twice a day. As I watched her, I noticed she did not complain. She just thought things were new and odd, and she almost immediately got to work figuring out how to have fun in THESE circumstances! I appreciate her approach and have adopted that as my practice as well.
Try it on! And remember, all the circumstances in life are ultimately designed for us to learn how to live our best life. So, reflect, give it time, and see what shows up!
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Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention. – Greg Anderson
I heard an interesting news story today that caught my attention due to its creativity and simplicity. Tinnitus, or ringing in the ear, is the perception of sound that does not have an external source, so that other people cannot hear it. Tinnitus is commonly described as a ringing sound, but some people hear other types of sounds, such as roaring or buzzing. This can interfere with a person’s ability to concentrate, and to relax.
What was discovered last year is that the brain seems to be focusing on the internal sound, blocking out all other noises as distractions. This is the central focal point and, as such, does not allow a redirection to other tasks or sounds. What is genius is that a device was invented to allow the brain, through mild, painless electrical stimulation, to learn to focus on the tongue that is experiencing mild stimulation, thus breaking the cycle of focus the brain seems stuck inside of. Over a period of months, many people can now focus normally, and have regained their ability to relax and enjoy life.
So, why bring this up? Because human beings sometimes forget that focus acts like a muscle, and too much focus on one thing can cause it to weaken in focusing on other things. Think about that thing you worry about. Am I being productive right now? Will I have enough…..for the future? Will I ever be able to relax? Why is life always…..? Will I ever find work I like that pays well? Those are like doing pushups as we focus on them repeatedly. And the result is a constant barrage of stress hormones being released into the body, which lowers our mood and prevents us from hearing anything creative or new.
What if we take up micro-practices? When you catch yourself spinning about something, try refocusing. Do your children make your heart swell? Do you have a favorite piece of music you can bring to mind? Can you look out a window and search for the first beautiful thing you see? These are all tiny, micro-practices that remind the brain to be flexible.
And with more flexibility comes more possibilities. A Win-Win for everyone.
I’ll give you an example, of course, involving my beloved dogs. These terriers have strong minds and hearts. They love to please, but only if it is more fun than what they suddenly see in front of them. For the last five years or so, I’ve been walking 3 dogs together in the morning. I suddenly noticed that one of my younger dogs was becoming increasingly fearful while walking. She would spin, look wild-eyed, scan for cars coming behind her or from a cross street, and she began frothing at the mouth. Yikes. I have never raised a dog that was fearful, and I began trying all the calming things I knew to do, with very little success. I was at my wit’s end when I had an insight that this might not necessarily be fear.
I began walking her by herself to see if I could tell what was going on. She was still all over the place, but would walk on a looser lead, and was remarkably friendly with dogs and people we came across, just like always. Then, because I was on the lookout for something new (micro-practice about my own focus), I realized she was hunting everything that moves. And that she LOVES to chase things. And suddenly, I could see that the issue was how to get her attention back to me, not on something to chase.
I’ve got several appointments set up with positive reinforcement dog behaviorists, and I will let you know how that goes. In the meantime, we are both relieved. She, because Mom’s not sending out anxious energy anymore, and me, because I know that there is a solution out there and that she is having TOO MUCH FUN, not being afraid. Whew!
So, try prying your attention away from that loop you can find yourself in. 30 seconds of refocus is a start. And let me know how it goes!
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“If we were not so single-minded about keeping our lives moving, and for once could do nothing,” Pablo Neruda wrote in his gorgeous ode to quietude, “perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves.”
I have had the privilege this week of spending time with two amazing people as they discover their true nature. They are visibly relaxing as they have a new understanding that they each have something they can hear and feel that no one else can. This allows them to understand and know themselves much more deeply.
The thought that we will never understand ourselves haunts most of us, so we anesthetize ourselves by working when we KNOW rest is called for, or by sedating ourselves with narcotics, alcohol, or any of the other things we reach for when we are frightened of being quiet. I remember when I was that way, and to tell the truth, I can fall into that even now in short bursts. The difference is, however, that I have ‘micro-practiced’ living from the superpower of calm often enough that my brain longs for that state, and becomes agitated when I live from distress.
The art of listening seems to be my way to practice. Recently, my beloved older dog, Miracle, has had a behavior change that is stressful for her and us. It is common for her to wake us up once during the night, needing to go out. (She has managed, genetic, kidney issues). However, suddenly she needed to go out 4 times a night, and would not settle down. The second night this occurred, I decided to sit on the couch near her living room apartment/crate and breathe with her, to see if she would settle.
I realized as I was breathing that I was listening to the situation not just with my ears, but with my heart. As she is an old dog (13.5 years old), I am aware of the fact that we will not have her for another 5 years, most likely. So, I know there may be physical changes that can cause her distress. I also know she has gotten some more fearful as she loses her eyesight slowly, as well as her hearing.
As I listened from an open heart, I could begin to ‘hear’ or feel wisdom pointing to things I might pay attention to.
I realized there were no physical symptoms during the day, and her distress sounded and felt like anxiety. I also realized that in the 15 minutes, I sat with her, she had become noticeably more relaxed and was beginning to go through her bedtime routine of cleaning her paws, then settling down and dropping into sleep. And she slept the rest of the night. We now have a protocol in place that has her sleeping closer to us (Not on the bed as it is too high for an old dog to jump up and down from). However, if she can hear us breathing deeply, she can relax.
Why tell this story? Because I notice that when I am willing to create a 15–20-minute pocket of solitude and listen, I am guided to notice things from my heart that give me clues on how to mentor and support my dogs, my clients, my business colleagues, and myself. The key is the quiet mind. Wisdom cannot be heard when we are noisy intellectually.
What if all the clues we need are right in front of us and it only takes us quieting down to hear them? It might be sort of like those missing glasses that you look all over for, only to find them where you first looked. Why couldn’t we see them the first time around? Our frustrated or anxious thinking blocked us from being guided to where they were.
Try this micro-practice and begin to appreciate the true power of listening from the heart. And let me know how it goes!
https://theartoflivinginc.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Updated-Logo-1.png00Jasmyne DesBienshttps://theartoflivinginc.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Updated-Logo-1.pngJasmyne DesBiens2024-03-18 09:01:482024-03-18 16:56:18Listening With The Heart
The Power of Pausing
The power of pausing can be life-changing—especially when we find ourselves stuck in habits we wish we could shift. How many of us have a somewhat (or very) compulsive thing that we do that we know should be moderated or stopped? Maybe it is eating too much chocolate (been there, done that!) Maybe it is spending too much time on social media. Delaying that walk we want to do each day until we don’t have the time to do it. Or buying just one more book to read.
Maybe you’ve tried different things to stop the compulsion. Will power usually fizzles out at about 7 PM (that is true, scientifically). Being strict with ourselves also ruins self-esteem. So, what does a person do to break the cycle?
The Power of Pausing in Everyday Habits
It turns out the brain researchers who discovered the plasticity of the brain, (the ability of the brain to repair and change itself) provide us with a clue. They designed an experiment with people diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. All the participants reported that they felt the need to lock their door 4-5 times before they felt it was safe to leave. The participants were told there was no pressure to stop locking the doors as many times as they needed to. What they asked, though, was that when they noticed themselves locking the door, they were to pause for 60 seconds to two minutes, either deep breathing or just waiting, and then they could continue with locking the door. This was practiced, then the participants were on their own. At the end of 6 weeks, all the participants reported a lessening of the compulsion, and many, if not most, stopped needing to lock the door more than once. So, what happened?
That pause signals to the brain that there is a change in habit. The old habit, lock the door 5 times before you leave, did not include the pause. That simple pause allowed the brain to invent a new habit around that circumstance, with no shame or pressure.
So, think about that habit you wish you could break. One of my mentors decided to make the pause enjoyable. When he noticed himself working under pressure (he was self-employed!), he would get up from his desk and walk down to the creek to fly-fish for 15 minutes, then he would come back and finish his work. Even when he had an impossible deadline, he did this. He kept his fly-fishing rod right at the back door so he could just grab it when he felt pressured. This was his pause. He reported something amazing after the first day he went fly fishing. The second time he felt pressured, he got up, grabbed his rod, and half-way down to the creek the sense of pressure had already lifted, so he turned around and went back to work. From that point on, the most he needed to do was touch the rod, and often he only needed to look at it. The brain had rewired itself to work from a calm place.
Many of my clients report success with the power of pausing. One wanted to be able to get out of bed and workout. So, he made a deal that when he woke up, he would put on his exercise clothes, then do whatever he wanted. That pause of dressing for the activity allowed his brain to rewire in very short order so that he began exercising and enjoying it.
The trick is though, that you must actually do the pause activity a few times. Otherwise, the strong neuropathway or habit you are trying to alter won’t budge. Give it a try and let me know how it goes. The power of pausing might just surprise you. It is WAY more effective than trying to use force of will to shift.
And if you’re curious about how a single question can shift your whole perspective — not just your habits, but how you move through life — I share more about that here.
Peace in Times of Chaos
I find myself exhausted by the changing and chaotic nature of our political life right now. Trying to keep up with it all is a fool’s errand. Ignoring it seems impossible — and unwise. So, what to do?
In a conversation I had this week, I heard myself say, “I am always and only interested in what brings balance and stability to all of life — including to me.” So, with things in constant flux, how do we do that?
I am reminded of a quote from A Course in Miracles, as referenced in Marianne Williamson’s new book The Mystic Jesus:
Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
And I have a clue now where to start. For one thing, I find I get stirred up by imagining how bad the future is going to be. The future is one of those unreal things. When I catch myself engaging with the future like it really exists, I often soften, chuckle, take a deep breath, and turn toward where I am now.
This is why animals (in my case, dogs) are so healthy to have around. They don’t have an intellect that can worry as ours does. They’re much more in the now — which is why they forgive so easily.
Once I’m back in the present, I can begin to see what direction to go. I have access to much more creative thinking. That imagination starts with, “What if we tried…?” Now I can begin to speak with family and colleagues about what I just heard that was new. And that is how the best creativity gets unleashed — a team of people all looking for a way to understand things from a completely new perspective.
For instance, there’s a great story about the woman who began research into mRNA (messenger RNA, a molecule that helps the body create proteins) and couldn’t get funding for years. After 15–20 years, a chance meeting with another scientist — at a copy machine in another building! — sparked a collaboration. That chance meeting led to a partnership, which eventually formed a company called Moderna. The partners went on to win the Nobel Prize for Physiology or Medicine in 2023, after their research allowed the rapid invention of a COVID-19 vaccine that saved millions of lives. The thing Dr. Karikó had been researching with no agreement was the very thing that became the miracle during the pandemic.
The other leg of A Course in Miracles quote is: “Nothing unreal exists.” That one is trickier to reflect on, as it’s a spiritual reflection — not an intellectual one.
How does it feel to consider that your true nature — what and who you are in essence — can never be damaged or even enhanced? That it is already whole, complete, and eternally good?
In other words, what if what we think we need to be balanced, whole, and well has nothing to do with things? What if it has to do with trusting that we were born whole, complete, and eternally good — and that we each see life from a perspective that is unique to us?
Unique. Never occurring before or since.
It’s a tall order to consider that some things might be unreal — and that we’re already whole and complete. Most of us were raised to believe we have to earn our way into belonging. Into wholeness. Darn it.
But the peace that descends when you experience — even briefly — how good you already are… that there is nothing to enhance or fix… that will sustain you. It will have you reaching for that feeling more and more and more.
Yes, there are others who take wild swings — culturally, politically — who think so differently than we do, and who may have no spiritual insight into life at all. That, however, has nothing to do with the solid goodness we were born with — and cannot lose.
When we work from that goodness — as something built-in, with nothing to prove or protect — we become so much more creative, compassionate, and kind. And we can see where to begin, over and over, to bring wholeness, balance, and goodness into all the nooks and crannies of life.
Then we just get to choose where to begin.
What Do We Trust When We Get Overwhelmed?
Such an interesting question…
One that is worth considering when you are NOT overwhelmed!
For most of my life, the only thing that cuts through that sense of overwhelm is to remember what my life’s mission or design is. That knowing seems to refocus me almost immediately. All of us have a unique lens through which we observe life. This is often a source of frustration (It is so clear to me what “they” should do. They must be dense to not see it!) That is a perfect time to remember that all of us see the world differently, thus we all have a different stabilizing focus. Really!
The trick is to figure out what you see, what perspective you have, that others just don’t see. My husband, for instance, loves details and research. I appreciate details, but not at the depth he does. We have learned to navigate this difference later in our marriage. Early on it was a huge source of irritation. Now I can say, OK, enough detail. You are explaining all of this so I understand what? And then he laughs, and says, Oh yeah, too much detail. And I have learned to really lean on him when detail is called for, like which appliance is the best for our situation, or what’s the best route to take on a long drive we are about to take.
As you begin to see your perspective or mission in life, you may have the thought that this is not lofty enough. Or, you may think, well everybody knows that. But of course, they don’t. I have a client who always sees the scientific and spiritual properties and powers of chaotic situations. She used to be surprised that others did not and sometimes were not even interested. She took on learning how to gently illuminate the direction she was pointing to by asking thoughtful questions and being curious about what the other person was looking for. Turns out, as quoted by several people, you can’t be judgmental and curious at the same time. So, true interest/curiosity will often allow people to experience being seen, and when they are seen, they are more curious about what YOU see!
When we get overwhelmed, we often forget to take a moment to breathe and remember what is essential to us in this moment. Once you do this, that focal point will feel like it is coming from your gut, not your head. This focus came with you when you were born, by the way. It’s always been your way.
So, try listening for what is the unique focus that always calms and inspires you to reset and start again. It is always positive, always moving all of life in a new and better direction. And rely on this thing when you are overwhelmed. Return to it and stabilize, then start again from that place of stability.
Belonging and Co-creation
Many of my friends, clients and colleagues have a difficult time being part of a relationship, team, or family. Never mind a country. We find ourselves resentful or keeping score, or we feel we just don’t belong. I heard an interview with John Powell in January, and one of his quotes I cannot get out of my mind. He said, “There is no belonging without co-creation.” I was familiar with this term in business, but he was pointing to it in relationship and teams. Hmmmm, I thought.
My husband and I just celebrated our 40th anniversary this month. And I could tell that much of what has shifted through all those years is we have gracefully (most of the time) slid towards what I can now see is co-creation. I used to think that if Tim would just see things as I did, his life would be easier, and we would have a more peaceful marriage. How come it did not seem to ever go that way? I knew we both wanted to belong more deeply, and yet we seemed to irritate each other all the time!
My idea of co-creation was, I bring my good idea and make sure the others see it clearly. Then I listen as deeply as possible to their good ideas and one of us will see the light and shift. Nope, that is NOT co-creation, which is why not only does it not seem to work, it is annoying.
The story of our anniversary trip illustrates my point. In August of 2023, I mentioned to Tim that I would love to go back to Yosemite and the Ahwahnee Hotel for our 40th. We were married there and just loved our visit there. We agreed, and I made reservations for the Presidential Suite for August 2024. (That took almost 3 weeks to accomplish, getting the right dates and times.) Fast forward to June of 2024, and I fractured vertebrae and ribs. It soon became clear we were not going to be able to go, due to my glacially slow recovery. I took another week to reschedule for March of 2025, and we were finally set.
Then, in mid-February, Tim sat me down and told me he was dreading going on the trip. I immediately noticed I had several different reactions. One was, are you kidding me? After all that work to plan it? The other was, huh, I wonder what he sees that I do not? And then I realized that I was apprehensive myself. What if it snowed? Would we want to drive 4.5 hours in the snow? I am 98% recovered, but what about taking walks in the morning? Would we be able to feel safe?
So, I listened, and as Tim spoke about his concerns, I felt myself relaxing. I finally said to him, let’s find another place to go that excites both of us! He began the research and found a place in Mendocino that sounded perfect. It was not a re-creation of our wedding trip. It was a new adventure! And both of us only cared that we felt celebrated for our journey together. Everything else we could work out together.
You know what? It was a model of co-creation. Once I gave up how it should be, and once he gave up disappointing me, our hearts were free to design something that would allow us to relax, cherish each other, and feel special.
It is giving up how it should be that opens the possibility of something so much greater coming from what two or more can imagine. It was an unforgettable trip, and a perfect model of co- creation. We are still in wonder about it all these days later.
And here is the kicker. It DID snow in Yosemite on the dates we chose, and the park is in chaos due to the government firings at National Parks. It was better all the way around the way it ultimately turned out.
Embracing Connection in a Fractured World
Many of my friends, family and clients are gripped by the chaotic news reports lately. While I, too, am concerned, I find that the old mantra “think globally, act locally” encourages people to consider the world as a whole, while taking action in their own communities.
Why is this helpful? Because the world is not global, it is local. What does that mean? When we are focused entirely on our fear of the national or global future, we lose track of the present moment completely, and never experience that we belong anywhere. We are fearful, and we withdraw. In the present is where belonging, joy, and miracles can be found. It is also where we have the most impact on how our lives go.
How many of us have noticed that when we make eye contact and smile at a stranger, they often (not always) smile back? A smile signals to the heart that all is well, and our heart and body begin to relax. When we call someone, it is scientifically proven that if we remember to smile while on the phone, the conversation is more congenial, even though the smile cannot be seen.
I had a conversation with a colleague recently who is overwhelmed by what she perceives as wrongdoing in our politicians. I listened to her for a while, then asked her what was wonderful in her life right now. There was a fairly long pause (I could hear the train of her thinking derailing!), and then she began to list a few things that gave her great joy right now.
I reminded her to notice the difference between how tight her body was before the question, and then afterwards. I also told her about research being done currently into the power of speaking to people as though we are connected and belong to each other, even if we disagree. At the end of the call, she said, I don’t think I agree with you, but I do feel much better! Job done, belonging still in place even though she does not agree with me.
We are in the midst of things coming apart and things trying to come back together.
One point of view will never be creative enough for that coming together to be powerful and connecting and new. All of our voices need a place to be heard. I recommend we all practice listening as though someone had a point of view that, while frightening, might have something interesting to consider. Let your heart open, or at least catch how closed it might start off being in the conversation.
See if you can let the mood of the conversation slide over your back, while still listening for a point of possible validity in their point of view. And don’t be surprised if you hear something that seems like a good idea. Don’t deny it. Let that new thing you heard rattle around until it settles into a new idea for you. Then, share that with others to hear what they might hear.
Remember, all of life is working with us on this change. The power of all of us co-creating is what we are after. There can be no real peace without being willing to co-create in our politics, our relationships, and our communities.
Being right is not co-creation. It is being stubborn, and thinking no one else has anything of value to offer. Bring co-creation and belonging to all of your connections, and please keep an eye out for how others respond. It is pure delight!
Is Bringing in the New Really New?
Instead of setting goals in the new year, why not try setting a new perspective? The following invites you to do just that!
January is always an interesting time of the year. Some people set goals, others are still recovering from 2024, and many of us think of it as just another month, though we must remember that pesky 5 at the end of the year! As many of you know, one of my passions is transitions. Given the times we are in politically, as well as physically (some of us) and structurally, it is now time to realize why that is so important.
There is a metaphor I was struck by in Universal Human, by Gary Zukov. (an important book if you are interested in such things!)
“I discovered a once beautiful dilapidated house in a coastal town in Northern California. That town was my new home. Close yet remote from San Francisco, it gave me respite from my life in the City. I loved its isolation, its sense of community, and its intimate relationship with the ocean. I supposed these were the things that had brought people to it for decades, and had now brought me.
The house was condemned. Yellow tape cordoned off the weed-covered yard and a broad porch beyond it. It was a Victorian house, like many I had seen in San Francisco. Gingerbread trim connected lathed porch pillars, and a round turret with a conical top gave it an elegant distinction. I could imagine stained glass in the windows. From the sidewalk where I stood, the old house continued to exude the gaudy tastefulness of that era. It was clearly the summer house of some wealthy family. It had a family feel about it.
I liked the house immediately. I knew that the ocean view from the back would be magnificent. I could not imagine why someone had not renovated it long ago. In my fantasy, I imagined doing just that. I walked down the winding road to the beach to get another view of the house. I looked up, and I gasped.
The house, once separated from the edge of the cliff by a large yard, extended precariously over empty space! Cantilevered on a rotting understructure, half of it hovered over a void between exposed underflooring and the rocky beach below. It seemed to float high above me, as though about to journey seaward like a hot air balloon. It was, in fact, ready to plunge downward, and its doom was imminent.
Spectacularly poised at the moment of demise, the house stood on a precipice like a trapeze artist high above a hushed crowd. This surreal apparition of majestic ignorance and impending disaster hung suspended against a vacant sky. The cordoned beach silently awaited the massive intruder. As the cliff continued to erode imperceptibly, more under flooring imperceptibly became exposed. Faded signs and yellowed tape on the rocks testified to the longevity of this slow-motion drama.
None of this was visible from the top of the cliff. Tape and cones kept passersby on the sidewalk, overgrowth concealed the ocean behind the house, and nowhere was the problem of the missing cliff apparent. Only a sad and broken façade of a once happy structure remained on the otherwise pleasant street. The sea had taken the ground on which the house had stood. Soon, it would take the house. Once solid and strong, it would become unstable and weak, and its own weight would soon bring it down. Nothing could prevent it.”
This metaphor has transformed how I see almost everything. It would be easy to say this (whatever this is) should not be happening, and I/we need to double and triple our efforts to bring things back to how they used to be. However, I find, if I look closely, the new is also more and more apparent. Rather than look for reasons that things are falling apart (politics, media, housing, etc.) I find it much more hopeful to engage my creativity to see how we might come together to refocus on achievable goals in whatever happens to catch our eye, so that we shift our focus and effort away from the doomed and the impossible.
Our job now seems to be, how do we allow the old way to collapse as safely as possible, all the while planning for cleanup efforts and how to build what we can now see is possible in its place?
My Favorite Question
Many years ago, I heard a quote that I have had swirling in my head ever since. It is from Albert Einstein;
“The most important question facing humanity is,
“Is the Universe a friendly place?”
I suddenly realized that if I answered no, I would have one experience of life. If I answered yes, I would have another. And I could not stop thinking about that. What does that even mean, that the Universe could be friendly or not? I began to ponder this, and watch myself and others as we navigated our way through life. There were times when I was certain that I needed to protect myself, that I was a small cog in something so big I felt insignificant. At other times, I could tell there was something vastly larger than I was, that consisted of energy, and that was up to something benevolent. And I always relaxed when I saw that.
The thing is, we may not be able to comprehend what the Universe is working on that is FOR us right away. It may be that we will only see in hindsight what something was for. For instance, in my recovery from rib and vertebrae fractures, it is beginning to dawn on me that this downtime that I am so frustrated by is teaching me to adopt a more peaceful pace, one that allows me to listen more deeply and open my heart. As I work through the physical Therapy phase, I still catch myself trying to push my therapy so I have quicker results. Then I laugh because I am missing my life as I am hurrying to get somewhere.
When I am more at peace, I’ll be darned if I don’t accomplish more, and enjoy things more. And so I lean into the lesson and find I am more moved, I am more grateful, and I feel held by something that is designed to be a partner of sorts, a non-human partner at that. And when something rocks me, I find it so helpful to consider that one day I might see what this is happening FOR, and I could start looking for that right away. That diminishes the time I spend fretting about how things “shouldn’t be this way.”
Try it! I’m not saying we want all the circumstances that come our way. However, what if we adopted a sense that our non-human partner is trying to show us something??? I find I am much more resilient when I head this direction.
Reflections in a Pool of Circumstances
Life sometimes orchestrates a full stop in life. We saw this during the pandemic where literally the whole world paused to see how to navigate the Corona Virus. We sometimes have times in our own life that require a full stop to recover from. And sometimes, if we are lucky, we can tell it is time to stop and reflect during these times to see what life is trying to call attention to.
I’ve had an ocean of circumstances in the last five months! I had fractures in my vertebrae and spine (from coughing), my beloved dog Schuyler had foot surgery to remove a growth, our old car finally reached her useful end, I had a tooth extraction, and my dear friend is moving out of state!
What has allowed me to find peace of mind during all of this is the question I chose to reflect on. “I wonder what new direction is required now?” As I thought about that question, I knew immediately it was about finding a new way to work, one that allowed me to enjoy more time with my husband and dogs while allowing me to still work.
I’ve known this was ‘up’ for almost a year. But I did not find the time to address it. So, Life did!
During my recovery from all of this (which is almost complete. Just PT to finish it all off!), I noticed I could be upset, frightened, in scarcity, and frustrated, or I could try a new perspective since this was not going to be a short recovery. As I contemplated having compassion for myself (and my husband), I noticed there was less pain when I experienced that compassion. And I noticed the halt to recovery was nice! The meditative sense of not rushing, the time to invent and create, the closeness of friends and family…was what I was after! Too bad it took a physical circumstance to achieve that.
As I re-enter the activities of life, I see how compelled I am to ‘go back to the way things were’, which almost immediately has me in pain again. I often see this with clients who are out of work for longer than they wish, then when they do find work, they go back to how they used to work, and immediately know that old way is no longer viable. And what sets in is confusion. And a requirement to reflect.
So, I am learning to love the new slower pace, and the time to explore where the world wants me, not where I want to be. I am reminded that life is Love, and when we don’t experience Love, we are probably driving ourselves and/or judging others.
And finally, my Schuyler has been my best role model during my recovery. She had to be crated with a cone on her head for almost a month, and had to have a bag on her foot when she did go outside. Further along in her recovery, she also had to have her foot soaked for 10 minutes, twice a day. As I watched her, I noticed she did not complain. She just thought things were new and odd, and she almost immediately got to work figuring out how to have fun in THESE circumstances! I appreciate her approach and have adopted that as my practice as well.
Try it on! And remember, all the circumstances in life are ultimately designed for us to learn how to live our best life. So, reflect, give it time, and see what shows up!
The Micro-Practice of Focus
Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention.
– Greg Anderson
I heard an interesting news story today that caught my attention due to its creativity and simplicity. Tinnitus, or ringing in the ear, is the perception of sound that does not have an external source, so that other people cannot hear it. Tinnitus is commonly described as a ringing sound, but some people hear other types of sounds, such as roaring or buzzing. This can interfere with a person’s ability to concentrate, and to relax.
What was discovered last year is that the brain seems to be focusing on the internal sound, blocking out all other noises as distractions. This is the central focal point and, as such, does not allow a redirection to other tasks or sounds. What is genius is that a device was invented to allow the brain, through mild, painless electrical stimulation, to learn to focus on the tongue that is experiencing mild stimulation, thus breaking the cycle of focus the brain seems stuck inside of. Over a period of months, many people can now focus normally, and have regained their ability to relax and enjoy life.
So, why bring this up? Because human beings sometimes forget that focus acts like a muscle, and too much focus on one thing can cause it to weaken in focusing on other things. Think about that thing you worry about. Am I being productive right now? Will I have enough…..for the future? Will I ever be able to relax? Why is life always…..? Will I ever find work I like that pays well? Those are like doing pushups as we focus on them repeatedly. And the result is a constant barrage of stress hormones being released into the body, which lowers our mood and prevents us from hearing anything creative or new.
What if we take up micro-practices? When you catch yourself spinning about something, try refocusing. Do your children make your heart swell? Do you have a favorite piece of music you can bring to mind? Can you look out a window and search for the first beautiful thing you see? These are all tiny, micro-practices that remind the brain to be flexible.
And with more flexibility comes more possibilities. A Win-Win for everyone.
I’ll give you an example, of course, involving my beloved dogs. These terriers have strong minds and hearts. They love to please, but only if it is more fun than what they suddenly see in front of them. For the last five years or so, I’ve been walking 3 dogs together in the morning. I suddenly noticed that one of my younger dogs was becoming increasingly fearful while walking. She would spin, look wild-eyed, scan for cars coming behind her or from a cross street, and she began frothing at the mouth. Yikes. I have never raised a dog that was fearful, and I began trying all the calming things I knew to do, with very little success. I was at my wit’s end when I had an insight that this might not necessarily be fear.
I began walking her by herself to see if I could tell what was going on. She was still all over the place, but would walk on a looser lead, and was remarkably friendly with dogs and people we came across, just like always. Then, because I was on the lookout for something new (micro-practice about my own focus), I realized she was hunting everything that moves. And that she LOVES to chase things. And suddenly, I could see that the issue was how to get her attention back to me, not on something to chase.
I’ve got several appointments set up with positive reinforcement dog behaviorists, and I will let you know how that goes. In the meantime, we are both relieved. She, because Mom’s not sending out anxious energy anymore, and me, because I know that there is a solution out there and that she is having TOO MUCH FUN, not being afraid. Whew!
So, try prying your attention away from that loop you can find yourself in.
30 seconds of refocus is a start. And let me know how it goes!
Listening With The Heart
“If we were not so single-minded about keeping our lives moving, and for once could do nothing,” Pablo Neruda wrote in his gorgeous ode to quietude, “perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves.”
I have had the privilege this week of spending time with two amazing people as they discover their true nature. They are visibly relaxing as they have a new understanding that they each have something they can hear and feel that no one else can. This allows them to understand and know themselves much more deeply.
The thought that we will never understand ourselves haunts most of us, so we anesthetize ourselves by working when we KNOW rest is called for, or by sedating ourselves with narcotics, alcohol, or any of the other things we reach for when we are frightened of being quiet. I remember when I was that way, and to tell the truth, I can fall into that even now in short bursts. The difference is, however, that I have ‘micro-practiced’ living from the superpower of calm often enough that my brain longs for that state, and becomes agitated when I live from distress.
The art of listening seems to be my way to practice. Recently, my beloved older dog, Miracle, has had a behavior change that is stressful for her and us. It is common for her to wake us up once during the night, needing to go out. (She has managed, genetic, kidney issues). However, suddenly she needed to go out 4 times a night, and would not settle down. The second night this occurred, I decided to sit on the couch near her living room apartment/crate and breathe with her, to see if she would settle.
I realized as I was breathing that I was listening to the situation not just with my ears, but with my heart. As she is an old dog (13.5 years old), I am aware of the fact that we will not have her for another 5 years, most likely. So, I know there may be physical changes that can cause her distress. I also know she has gotten some more fearful as she loses her eyesight slowly, as well as her hearing.
As I listened from an open heart, I could begin to ‘hear’ or feel wisdom pointing to things I might pay attention to.
I realized there were no physical symptoms during the day, and her distress sounded and felt like anxiety. I also realized that in the 15 minutes, I sat with her, she had become noticeably more relaxed and was beginning to go through her bedtime routine of cleaning her paws, then settling down and dropping into sleep. And she slept the rest of the night. We now have a protocol in place that has her sleeping closer to us (Not on the bed as it is too high for an old dog to jump up and down from). However, if she can hear us breathing deeply, she can relax.
Why tell this story? Because I notice that when I am willing to create a 15–20-minute pocket of solitude and listen, I am guided to notice things from my heart that give me clues on how to mentor and support my dogs, my clients, my business colleagues, and myself. The key is the quiet mind. Wisdom cannot be heard when we are noisy intellectually.
What if all the clues we need are right in front of us and it only takes us quieting down to hear them? It might be sort of like those missing glasses that you look all over for, only to find them where you first looked. Why couldn’t we see them the first time around? Our frustrated or anxious thinking blocked us from being guided to where they were.
Try this micro-practice and begin to appreciate the true power of listening from the heart. And let me know how it goes!