Ch Wisdom’s Gate Let Freedom Ring, CGC
July 2, 2005 – March 12, 2015
We lost our beloved Yankee yesterday after a valiant battle with advanced heart disease and cancer, almost exactly a year from when we lost his mother, Annie, at 14. True to his terrier nature, he was diagnosed last June with a heart that would only last 2 months at most. Nine months later, it was the cancer that finally got him, not that huge and faithful heart.
Yankee is the best Norfolk I have ever owned or bred, both in temperament and in structure. Barbara Miller once said of her boy, Storm, that what she missed the most was gazing out at him in the run, seeing his gorgeous stature. I now know what she meant. Both Tim and I would comment weekly on how even at 9 years old, with cancer and a bad heart, he was gorgeous. He will forever be the image of a male Norfolk for me.
Yankee was weaned while I was in the hospital, so he was first and foremost my husband’s dog. Tim would visit me, then come home and play with Yankee, who as a singleton, had no other pups to play with. His mom weaned her pups at 3 weeks, so Tim was it. Throughout his life, Yankee loved lying on Tim’s chest just under his chin, ‘praying’ and loving it. Last night, as we sat on the couch with our remaining three girls and our grief, Carmel, our small red 6 year old Norfolk, began that praying motion for the very first time. We swear it was Yankee saying all was well.
Yankee took me to Westminster, to the National Dog Show, as well as all over the country with Michael Lynch as a special. He was the consummate show dog, and even on his final day, was excited to go into his crate in the car because he might be going to a show. I thank Mike Lynch every day for making sure he loved showing.
We miss you, Yankee.
If love could have saved you – you would have lived forever…
Love at Work
January 11, 2022
Many people ask me if it is possible to find our ‘Design’ or ‘special purpose’ in our work. Their experience of work is no longer satisfying, yet they long to feel well used in life. Recently I was sent an almost perfect answer to this question. Panache Desai, in response to a similar question, said, after a reflective pause, “Our jobs are the excuse we have to love people.”
That brings up questions, doesn’t it?
Should I stay in my ‘soul-crushing’ job?
How can I ever love the people around me at work?
What if I have no people around me at work?
Where can I find work that allows me to love the people around me?
There is no correct answer to any of those questions. However, even considering it might be possible to go to work intending to love people changes everything.
Love is a spiritual power. It is not intellectual, nor made up in our thinking. It is a feeling of warmth, connection and wonder, all rolled into one. And it is available ALL THE TIME!
When we love someone who is struggling, there is no need to accept their actions. When we can see them as human beings, caught up in the noise of their circumstances, we can remember when we, too, have been in a similar noisy place. And we remember not to identify with our worst-feeling moments. And we can be with people seeing them as something other than their worst moments.
Work will transform, the more we do this. Life will transform as we do this. The gentle power of not taking things personally, and reminding people they are loved for who they are born to be is transformative. And healing. Then, where you work becomes more and more obvious. And where to GO to work does as well.
Try this for a week and let me know how it goes.
New Year’s Reflections
New Year’s Reflections
This is the time of year I often wish I could do something differently in my life. Maybe it is to eat less sugar, or spend more time with my dogs, or finally be able to see a Basketball Game at the new Chase Center in SF with my husband. Behind those things is an assumption that doing those things will relieve some pressure or cause some feeling. I just happen to know that what I want to do is actually not remotely related to what I long to feel.
So, this year I decided to notice my longings during the holiday break. I did not dismiss them or be bothered by them, I just reflected on them as they came up. And something truly remarkable began to happen. Instead of the holidays being hectic, I had distinct moments of joy and gratitude pop up! And I could tell I was noticing things differently, through the lens of my longings. I didn’t really even name the longings, but rather noticed when I was feeling a way I liked, or was touched by, or inspired by. Having my attention on what I was feeling allowed me to remember that a deep feeling of well-being is innate to us as human beings. But for our thinking we would feel wonderful all the time.
When my nephew and sisters invited me to go to IKEA with them, my first reaction was, yikes, that place is huge, I am recovering from a broken foot, I won’t enjoy it. And then I remembered the longings and said yes. It was amazing watching my nephew explore how to best enhance his new home, and how my twin was so excited about how to downsize from a 1,111 sq ft home to a 610 sq ft home as she moves back to California into a lovely home in Pacific Grove.
I sat when I needed to, allowing me to observe the multi-national people shopping at IKEA, many of whom are quite clearly new to the area, and delighted. I was instantly grateful for the international flavor of our area, and how relaxed people were about the differences.
We decided to eat at the IKEA cafeteria, something I had not done before. Instead of worrying about if they would have food for my plant-based diet, I just enjoyed being with my family, allowing life to some to me rather than have to control any of it. And what I discovered was yes, they had plant-based food (mediocre but fun), and that the biggest adventure was standing in line to order our lunch, noticing there was only one piece of chocolate cake left which my nephew desperately wanted, and having it be there when we ordered his lunch. Pure Joy! And I didn’t even eat it!
Towards the end of that trip, my twin and I gave out, laughing that we were now the Old Folks of the family. We found a place to sit as my younger sister checked out, and again I experienced a closeness with my sisters that I could not have orchestrated, yet that I longed for.
Finally, throughout the season, I was moved to tears by the music and light and generosity of the season. Yes, all the things that are coming apart in our country were still coming apart. And yet, I could refocus and allow the longings to lead, giving me one of the sweetest holiday seasons I can remember.
As Sydney Banks said,
“We are searching for our home grounds. We’re searching to find the way home. And to find the way home, what we have to do is look at everything in reverse, because naturally if you’re away from home, if you keep walking you walk further away. To find home you’ve got to turn around. You have got to go the opposite direction and instead of searching outside for the answer you seek; all you do is turn around and look inside. And there lie the secrets that you want.”
conversations on Race, Inequality and Poverty #4
This is call #4 in a series of deepening conversations designed to discover a new place to work in regards to racial justice, inequality and generational poverty. These conversation are based on the Three Principles as taught and discovered by Sydney Banks. This call was particularly interesting as we got to oneness as a new place to consider working from. Enjoy and remember these are unedited so it takes a bit to get into the conversation!
Conversations on Race, Inequality and Poverty, #3
Welcome to call number 3! As with the previous two calls, this is a continuing series of calls between Tim Williams, Debora McDermed and Julie Gleeson, exploring how the insights of the Three Principles as discovered and taught by Sydney Banks, might illuminate new thinking in the areas of racial justice, poverty and inequality. Please let us know what you think about the calls and as with the other two, be patient with them! What we are after, and what I recommend you listen for, is a good feeling, not an intellectual understanding.
Conversations on Race, Inequality and Poverty, #2
Welcome to the second call with Tim Williams, Julie Gleeson and Debora McDermed. Remember, these calls are an exploration, sifting through the known and unknown to be able to hear something new. The thing to track is the level of depth of feeling as the conversation unwinds. The warmer the feeling, the more Life Force Energy is flowing through all of us. That is always a good indicator that something new could happen!
We would love to know how these conversations impact you. Please let us know!
Julie, Tim and Debora
Conversations on Race, Inequality and Poverty
There is Wisdom greater than identity. I wonder what it might say about our world right now? With that in mind, my longtime and dear friend, Debora McDermed, PhD and a new friend, Tim Williams, embarked on a series of Zoom sessions to explore and uncover something new together. These conversations came about in response to a longing to hear something new, something creative, something we can offer up or understand that would provide deep insight, compassion and change. These conversations are based in the Three Principles as discovered and taught by the late Sydney Banks. With his insight about the power of understanding thought, we embarked on an exploration of the topic, then decided the calls were good enough that we should share them! These are not edited, so please be patient as they unfold.
Debora lives in a very remote part of California, so is not able to join us with video..
(For those who wanted a face to the name!)
Please enjoy the following inaugural conversation. More are to follow. And please contact us if you would like to join the conversation or have comments.
Mercy and Compassion: For Ourselves First
I received a thought-provoking article recently on Mercy. I’ve not thought about mercy in a long while. It is an archaic word in our culture, yet so many of my acquaintances and clients struggle so mightily to do ‘what’s right’ in the world. Here’s the line that pulled me up short and got my attention:
“What we really need is to become mercy ourselves.” What does that even mean????
Mercy Article
Please click on the article to read more. It was brought to my attention by my dear friend and colleague, Debora McDermed-Peila, and Interfaith Minister, Spiritual Coach and former Business Coach to Fortune 100 companies. The article itself is part of a course on Spirituality being offered by Sister Joan Chittister, a radical, compassionate and edgy Benedictine Nun. Then let’s talk! This understanding may very well be how to finally have our focus be correctly placed so that we can relax and fulfill what is ours to fulfill.
Yankee Remembered March 12, 2015
Ch Wisdom’s Gate Let Freedom Ring, CGC
July 2, 2005 – March 12, 2015
We lost our beloved Yankee yesterday after a valiant battle with advanced heart disease and cancer, almost exactly a year from when we lost his mother, Annie, at 14. True to his terrier nature, he was diagnosed last June with a heart that would only last 2 months at most. Nine months later, it was the cancer that finally got him, not that huge and faithful heart.
Yankee is the best Norfolk I have ever owned or bred, both in temperament and in structure. Barbara Miller once said of her boy, Storm, that what she missed the most was gazing out at him in the run, seeing his gorgeous stature. I now know what she meant. Both Tim and I would comment weekly on how even at 9 years old, with cancer and a bad heart, he was gorgeous. He will forever be the image of a male Norfolk for me.
Yankee was weaned while I was in the hospital, so he was first and foremost my husband’s dog. Tim would visit me, then come home and play with Yankee, who as a singleton, had no other pups to play with. His mom weaned her pups at 3 weeks, so Tim was it. Throughout his life, Yankee loved lying on Tim’s chest just under his chin, ‘praying’ and loving it. Last night, as we sat on the couch with our remaining three girls and our grief, Carmel, our small red 6 year old Norfolk, began that praying motion for the very first time. We swear it was Yankee saying all was well.
Yankee took me to Westminster, to the National Dog Show, as well as all over the country with Michael Lynch as a special. He was the consummate show dog, and even on his final day, was excited to go into his crate in the car because he might be going to a show. I thank Mike Lynch every day for making sure he loved showing.
We miss you, Yankee.
If love could have saved you – you would have lived forever…
Reminders
“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.”
― Byron Katie
There’s nothing like watching a beloved family member or pet in a dying process to get one’s attention. It happened to me when my Dad died almost 4 years ago. And it is happening again as my dear Norfolk Terrier, Yankee, lives out his final chapter. It’s such a meditation, this process, if I let it be.
I am reminded each morning of the gift of relationship, and the gift of life. As I breathe deeply before opening his crate door in the morning, I am fully prepared for whatever happened overnight. So far, I’ve rejoiced in another day well spent with him. I like, now, to stick closer to home, reveling in the energy exchange between us. And I notice the exquisite moments that are available when I am quiet and with his process, and with him.
Dogs don’t use thought the way humans do, you see. They are present to what is, for the most part. Consciousness is much weaker in dogs than it is in people. Dogs don’t self-reflect to the degree humans do, if at all. They connect, they experience, they act from wisdom and instinct. And they don’t worry about the future or the past. They take what they have and go forward, not judging themselves or the situation.
How would our experience differ if we could let go of our past and our plans? During this process, I’ve found I am much more stabilized, much more balanced, and much more creative. I love more easily and forgive more quickly. I notice what has meaning, and I side-step what doesn’t. I rest in grace, and am thankful.
The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s live may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
Wendell Berry
Finding the balance point
One of the most common things I overhear as I move through my day is what’s wrong. Wrong with others, wrong with ourselves, wrong with what’s happening to us. I love Byron Katie’s view of all of that. What if we began to consider that all the circumstances that happen are part of honing us to be our best selves? Can you imagine trusting life that much?
The blessing of aging is the ability to look back and see this to be true. From THIS vantage point I can see that living life well is much like learning to ride a bike. There’s a balance point for every human being, one that allows us to live well, with interest, compassion and ease, in the flow. If you remember back to learning to ride a bike, there were falls along the way as we leaned too far in one direction, then over-compensated in the other. It took practice and something intangible, like a sense of where the body was in space, to be able to master this balance thing.
Living life is like that as well. What if the things and people around us are life’s way of helping us find our balance point. Whoa, way too much to drink last night….OK, not doing that again. Wow, doing what I love makes the time fly. Great, let’s find work that feels like that! Relationship woes? How do TWO people find balance? That’s a more interesting question than thinking there is something wrong with you, or them!
2015 is the year for learning to live from the inside out, to find that balance point. If you imagine a channel between you and the wisdom of life that allows for life to guide you, the most important thing to do is keep that channel clear of debris and noise. The more you can practice quieting your mind, even for 3 minutes a day, the more that muscle will strengthen, and the more normal that quiet mind will become. Isn’t that worth 3 minutes of practice a day?
Just start by sitting. Set a timer for 3 minutes, and just be. Pretend your mind is a new puppy, and gently corral it if it wanders. I like to come back to my breathing as a focal point. If you try this for a week and like it, gradually increase the time to again strengthen the muscle of quiet mind. And suddenly, what happens on the outside doesn’t overwhelm you quite as much. And that balance point is easier and easier to locate.