The Power of Neutral Language
I have noticed recently how much I want to label things that upset me.
They are mean. I am a mess. It was not fair. The list could fill an entire single-spaced page! And if I am aware, I can also suddenly feel how my body has tightened up, and how my breathing has become shallower. I might even be clenching my jaw. Yikes!
Often, we know our stories make us feel worse, not better, but we seem powerless to do anything differently for all kinds of reasons. Maybe we feel like we need to get justice. Or maybe we do not want to let them hurt us again. What are some of the other reasons we might hold on to stories like these?
Please take a moment and recall something that recently caused you frustration, anger, or insecurity. Notice how your body feels, and how your mind feels. OK, that is enough of that!
Now, please recall something that recently had you experience awe, or joy, or appreciation. Notice now how your body feels, and how your mind feels. Interesting, right? You have just tapped into how the mind works to help you navigate back to innate well-being, resilience, and creativity. What was the difference? What are you focused on? And yes, it really is that simple.
Why does that work so effortlessly to return you to a nice feeling? Please return to the lovely experience you recalled. You might notice that your heart feels full, or very open. An open heart is our natural state. When we focus on things that are judgmental, our hearts slam shut. And that is like clogging a pipeline to wisdom, creativity, and fresh thinking.
I would like to suggest an exploration. Try telling that judgmental story but with completely neutral language. For instance, if someone says, “People who litter are so selfish,” what is a neutral way to say that, a way that includes all the circumstances that were noticed? It might be something like, wow, I wonder what is going on in their lives that has them so distracted they would drop trash on the ground? Can you feel the difference?
Or when someone says, I was depressed this morning. Upon reflection, when asked, the neutral version was, I was not ready for prime time this morning. Same circumstances, less noisy energy around the words.
What we speak is what we feel.
This is important for several reasons. The first is strictly biological. What we speak is what we feel. The second is, when I label something with venomous words, my poor body has stress hormones dumped into the system that tightens everything up and prepares me for fight or flight. Our world has ramped up opinions so much that we float in a sea of those hormones most of the time. Once we begin to explore describing our life more neutrally, we relax, our hearts open again, and we breathe more deeply, allowing our body to return to homeostasis, giving us access to wise choices and that wonderful fresh thinking.
By the way, this is not about coming up with a new story. This is about residing below the toxic noise that our judgments of ourselves and others create. In that place, below the noise, there is just openheartedness, and a feeling of following what wants to happen, with no judgment.
